(500) days

This will be the last thing I write about you....

This will be the moment I let you go....

This will be the reality of our lives....

It's been months... days... hours... minutes... seconds


... and I think I've finally reached the point of being okay with letting go. I loved you, this much I know is true. You loved me too, that I also know. But sometimes love isn't enough and when we get older we learn this is the truth. That destiny and fate and love they are all alive but not always in the people we wish so desperately for them to be.

I want you to know I never stopped believing on account of our unraveling. I want you to know that for awhile there I was a mess listening to sad songs, writing crappy poetry, blaming myself, reliving the moments in which I saw us dissipate. I want you to know that I am not perfect, I never have been and never will be for that matter, and you know that's okay. I want you to know that I am grateful for having had you in my life and subsequently for feeling heart broken. I want you to know I still feel alive despite the fact that I thought you were the air.

...and so this is my good bye to you a finality I've never really been good at despite pretending to always be. I guess I'm just done pretending. I guess I just want to move on and look forward to the rest of my time here on Earth. I think the only way to that is to set myself free of the hope that you and I will be, Us once more. You wrote me and for the first time I felt no satisfaction from knowing you were there just across the wires. The words they stared at me blankly and all I could think was this is how far we've come and this is the only place left for it to go. Which is exactly nowhere a dead end. I felt a relief in that.

... You opened me up in ways I never knew I could open and I am so happy about that. So full of gratitude for the opening of doors into rooms of myself I never knew were there. I am starting to fill them now with furniture and books and pictures they're all slowly starting to feel like home. For so long I thought you were my only gateway into happiness. But that evidently is not true. I find myself missing you and I remember it wasn't meant to be that our time was up, that is our destiny.

...So thank you for breaking my heart and for showing me it's okay to love and to be loved.


This is my farewell....

This is my way of being free...

This is how it has to be....

I see it now I feel it I understand it